{The updates are below, just so you don't miss them...}
Overview: Give Money to Charity, and I'll Shave This Nasty Thing...
The premise is simple: I will shave my glorious mustache if I reach $5,000 in donations. Between now and next Friday I will slowly whittle this thing down and continue posting. If I raise more than $5,000, I will lose it completely. If I have not, I will probably end up with a mustache like John Waters (and a divorce). Please don't let that happen. It's up to you.
Donations will be split between two great causes: Pedals for Pediatrics, in honor of my lovely niece, Maddie, who passed away from Ewing's Sarcoma in 2008 at the tender age of 10. Pedals for Pediatrics is dedicated to raising money for, and awareness of, pediatric oncology services and research at Dana-Farber/Children's Hospital Cancer Care (DF/CHCC). Their funds directly benefit the patients and families through program support, direct financial assistance, and research. 3S Artspace is comprised of a fantastic group of people who are working hard to build a unique cultural space that will greatly benefit and help define the arts and cultural scene in Portsmouth and the surrounding Seacoast. The vision, once realized, is that 3S will be operating a non-commercial art gallery, a 400 capacity performance space, and Portsmouth's first farm-to-table restaurant. 3S is already providing access to studio space for artists at below market rates, and their list of amazing accomplishments over the past 2 years continues to grow. And now for the moment you have all been waiting for, the constant drivel... Day 8: A Reckoning Is A-Comin' Who of you dareth say this boy is not his father's son?
I promised an update on the financials today. Let's see, 3 plus 9 = 15, carry the two, round up the 1, divide by 7 for the number of days in a month... Which phase of the moon are we in again?
Look people, my strengths lie outside of math, ok? But, roughly, we are at about $3500, and a notice of extension has just been brought to my attention. We are going to run this thing ONE MORE WEEK! (I can hear the cheering now...) Please, people, Shannon needs you. I can drag this thing on forever. Will I never tire of putting fake mustaches on my boy? NEVER! Day 7: Who Out There Wants a Piece of This? I'll Take On All Ye Scoundrels...
Just a quick late night check in. The Barber of Savoie sculpted this Bare Knuckle Scrapper look after terrific response from the peanut gallery.
Short and sweet tonight, but I promise an update on funds tomorrow, as recommended by one of my wise older sisters.... Thanks Michelle! Day 6.75 You'll Miss Me When I'm Gone... Who Wants What Now?
Well, this has stirred up quite a controversy. Some seem to love the new look of this badass 'stache, the masculine aura, the extra food it stores. Others want to see it banned from the earth, annihilated, and are looking for eye bleach. Which camp do you fall into? (Poll coming soon. Really.)
Meanwhile, the fan base has been asking some questions: From Johnny Mac: Comment: Love your blog Ned, but please cover up some of that info on your driver's license. You look Freddie Mercury. Thats really cool. Thanks, Officer Macdonald. But I gotta be honest with you, I've got to let my freak flag fly. It's what Freddie would have wanted. From Mike OH: What does the "BR" represent in section 19 (hair) of your drivers license? Shouldn't it just be left blank? What do the good people at the Maine DMV see that the rest of us do not? Did they check other places? Perhaps it should just read "face only". Nice work though. Very admirable (that Shannon has tolerated it). Donation forthcoming. Regards, OH OH, my, and I don't just say that to be clever. I too, thought the same thing, and realistically, that code should probably read GR, at least for what is left. I did offer to show them some of my leftover hair; lucky for me, I had already gotten the picture taken, so I didn't have to worry about coming back after Officer Macdonald (what a coincidence!) dragged me out. My sister Michelle writes: You need a fundraising thermometer to show how much you have raised. I can't help but think that maybe she thought she was filling out a form on her husband, Hank's, website, and that this is some sort of veiled innuendo that little brothers never quite understand. But, I'll try to figure out the "thermometer" right after I get the "poll" working. Man, that even creeps me out... Now to Skye in... Who the hell knows? Skye writes (wow, that's good too...): Lexi is STILL ALIVE? and more suprisingly, KURT IS TOO?! wow looks like a new addition to the man farm. Hope he at least throws shoes like you. Great post buddy, had me laughing the whole time! Money?! Shit...soon. Stay on me. It will happen! Peace and Love The Man Farm has gone through some changes, my friend. Lexi is still kicking. Cali took a dirt nap, though (mostly because nobody contributed, but it was before I started the fundraiser). Man, I tell you Skye, if one sentiment could sum up this whole campaign, it would be "Kurt's still alive?" Wait, that's not right. It would be: "Money? Shit....soon." So give, people. Please give. And give some good comments, because they won't go to waste. Day 6.5. Let's Give a Round of Applause to the Latest Donors!Big shout outs to:
and last, but not least, Cait Giunta! I don't even know Cait and she donated! Check out Chases Garage, a converted creative space in York, ME. (PS, Cait, if I know you, I apologize.)
Now, what about the rest of you? Day 6? Where Did the Time Go? You sickos wouldn't even save a dog. SHAME!
Wow, it took me 3 days to dig a big enough hole for the dog, and then you know what? She got better! Should have done it when I had the chance, but my motto is always "Be Prepared!" so if I couldn't get that hole dug first, why bother?
OK, so that was a sick joke. But you know what is worse? Only about 3 people took it seriously or cared. And of those 3 people? Only Watson, donated. Thank you Watson. Thank you John. You others know who you are, we need to get cracking, because I lost some valuable time, and Friday is coming quickly. On another note, I just found this cool survey, so let's put it to the test: What I Did This Weekend The only thing bigger than that mustache is that damn sausage!
Come on folks, just click the buttons on the right, and I'll stop. I promise.
So what did I do this weekend (aside from spend $350 on vet bills to find out my dog was faking it?) I went to the Kittery Block Party! Me and the family strolled out our door to a magical wonderland of Fried Dough, Sausages, Pizza and other wondrous things. As we were walking back to the compound, a woman yelled out "Look honey, there's that guy from..." Now normally when I hear this, it's finished with "....the poster in the Post Office!" or "...the wall of shame at the Kittery Police Station!" But today was different, and she finished her exclamation with "Facebook! The one who is shaving his mustache to line his own pockets!" I was happy to hear she had it mostly correct, but friends, do I look like a guy who would do this to line his own pockets? Do I look like someone who is trying to get ahead on your generosity?Well, maybe I look that way, but it's the mustache. So I need to get rid of it. Won't you please help? Who's Your Daddy? The 'Stache in all its Father's Day Glory
I am! Sunday was Father's Day. My first Father's Day. Now, I'm a little ambivalent about this holiday. In the past, I've been known to spout off about what a Hallmark holiday this is, and, aside from that little peanut sitting next to me, I still kind of feel that way. Being a father is awesome. Being a son is terrific. But Father's Day? Meh.
BUT, then I was spouting off about my FD beliefs to Andy Livingston, and he set me straight on all this. "Father's Day?" he said. "We all hate it. But here's some advice: You do WHATEVER the [expletive] you want to do that day. Want to watch golf on TV? Do it. Go fishing? Do it. Nap in the hammock? Do it." Hmm, there might just be something to this FD thing after all. I think I could even get used to it. As long as my wife and son are next to me the whole time.... Awww, now give, people, give! Day 3: A Break in the Clouds David J, rocking the Kid Rock look.
A beautiful day today, and yet, I woke to a rash of accusations of "fake" in regards to my new driver's license. Seems this thing is as controversial as a president's birth certificate. Shame on all you Trump wannabees....
But then, amidst the din of naysayers, came a ray of light! David Morgan had become the second person to put his faith in me, my license, and my PayPal account. Thanks, David J! Now who's next? John Disalvo? Don't make me bust out that picture with O at Cos's wedding... Friday Is Guyday... The boy needs a father, not a beggar/blogger
Anyone who follows me in the gossip columns knows that Friday Is Guyday, where me and the boy move mountains and drink rivers. So I beg you, give me time with my boy to bond. Don't make me fundraise. The boy needs a father, not a beggar! Do what you can. Only you can stop this incessant blogging.
ONLY YOU. Dog Needs to Go to the Vet... I'm a natural...
Soooo, my plan to entice everyone with goodwill, donations to charity, and cute pictures of my mustache (and the boy) seems to be failing. Time for my new tactic:
Lexi has been acting really lame over the past few days, so I need to take her to the vet. So, vote with your wallets, people. If you make a donation, let me know if you want me to save the dog, or put her down. I know you people fall in both camps. It's in your hands now. Will there be blood on them, or will Lexi live to bite someone another day? Please note, I'm not actually going to put her down. Unless more people pay me to. News Flash: Tucker Hall Has Donated! Who's Next?
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This Is Where You Give Money.In case it's unclear, this is the area where you get your wallet out, click on the add to cart button, and then fill out the very large amount. This isn't about me. This isn't about you. This is about ridding the world of a menace. And doing good (like Superman) in the process.
FYI, this will take you to a PayPal page that looks suspect. It's not. It is totally secure. Like me, it just looks sketchy. If you would rather not use PayPal just send me an email and we'll get it figured out. 
$1,000! I Mean Business! I Want That Thing Gone!
I'm an incredibly generous individual, and I want to rid the world from the pain of that mustache. I also know that if I want to donate $5,000, I just need to change the amount in my cart....
$
1,000.00
$500! I'll Pay That Just To Get It Trimmed!
That mustache is a menace, and must be obliterated from the earth. Please put this money towards laser treatments so we can be sure it never comes back.
$
500.00
$250! Shannon Is a Saint. Why Must You Torture Her?
I support Shannon and Beckett, and want to stop the pain and emotional scarring that this angry caterpillar is causing. It is personally wreaking havoc on my psyche.
$
250.00
$100! Only If You Promise to Throw Out the Mustache Wax Too....
Ned is threatening to keep this thing until Movember. We can't let this happen...
$
100.00
$50! I'm Broke, But This Is Important.
Hey, we all know money's tight, so we do what we can, especially for the important causes. That's why I'm throwing down $50. This scourge needs to be erased.
$
50.00
$20! I'm So Broke, I Can't Even Change My Mind...
But I'll throw down my Andrew Jackson because I support the cause. A boy shouldn't have to grow up looking at a thing like that. It will ruin him...
$
20.00
$10? $10? Even Kurt Gave $20!
Did you even read about the causes? Up there, on the left. Go on, I'll wait... Oh well, we all do what we can, and a sawbuck is better than nothing at all. If my wife stops taking your calls, you'll know why.
$
10.00
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